Open and Shut Doors

This is the door to St. James Episcopal Church in downtown New Jersey. It's beautiful. And it represents my thoughts of the day. (And I unfortunately did not take the picture)

"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear , do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy!"

~ Dale Carnegie

For several years now, I've been waiting around. Yes, being obedient. Yes, working on my education. Yes, waiting and serving. I've been waiting for doors to open. Doors to open in my community, in my church. Asking God why things aren't happening like I think they should or even how established policies say they should, thinking that I was following His plan.

While I know that I am, indeed, following His plan for my life - I am called to be a minister to people - I've been waiting for the doors that I think should open to open. And while I've been waiting, watching for these opening doors, it's like I've completely blinded myself to the doors that have closed.

I believe its my optimism that has caused me to do this. I am always looking for the best in things and I cling to those things. But in clinging to the hope for doors to open, I haven't seen the reality of everytime a door doesn't open, that's a door shutting. I've been saying to myself, "Well that door didn't open, there's got to be a secret hatch or something, right?" So I stay beating on a door that right now has been shut and doesn't have signs of opening anytime soon. Like Mr. Carnagie said above, this inaction on my part has caused fear and doubt. I even rationalized my ignoring of closed doors as patience, thinking that I had some spiritual mountain that I needed to climb before the doors would open, thinking that I must just not be what I need to be. I became doubtful and fearful of the person that I know I am called to be and allowed that fear to paralyze me waiting for the open door, blinded to the ones shutting.

Lord, help me to see the shut doors. Help to realize and discern that for every time a door opens another shuts, and likewise everytime a door doesn't open, help me to know and admit that that's a shut door! And Father, help me accept that. Help me to not sit and wait for something to happen, but to instead move forward, knowing that You go with me, because You live in me. Let my prayer become God bless my steps and in each one may I be a vessel for Your glory.