A day of rest

I sang on praise team this morning...I think the last time I sang was at Easter. Maybe one other time since then, but I know it's been forever. It was good. Not necessarily my voice, because I think I forgot what it sounded like but the experience was definitely uplifting!

After church I let the kids go outside and play in the sprinkler, however, they really weren't into getting wet. They were kinda scared of it. And Jourdyn just wanted to watch tv.

A little later though, her friend called and took her to Music Under the Stars at the Toledo Zoo. The theme this evening was Disney. She really enjoyed it.

I also got a nap in today. Charlene, Amy and I were up until around 3:30 am on Saturday and out of bed by 7:30 am. So I was really in desperate need of a nap!

While Jourdyn was away Rob and I walked the two little ones over to the park in their wagon. They absolutely loved it. And afterwards we got slushies from the concession stand.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

On being a "spiritual" leader: Sandi Patti just wrote a book called "Layers." I haven't read it yet, but at Women of Faith she talked about how in her life of being the Christian mom, the Christian recording artist and the Christian leader and so forth...that somewhere she lost herself, she became what she thought those titles afforded, yet somewhere knew nothing of herself and some how didn't really know who she was. Because she let those things hide the things that she felt, or that she had never dealt with. The book is about how God showed her that and about how He is removing the layers in her life of shame, guilt and many others to show the beautiful butterfly that she is. She is learning about herself in ways that she never thought possible. Because she is doing it with God as her best friend and not worrying about being what she thought was the best Christan mom, or artist or leader. (I have to get the book!)

This touched me and here's why - I see this happening to me. I see myself so being what everyone wants me to be, that I'm really not what I want to be and more importantly I run the danger often of not being what God wants me to be. Because I get caught up in being the perfect Christian mom (which I fail at miserably), and the awe-inspiring perfect Christian leader (which God knows I also fail at), and even the dream of singing (which at one point was a burning ember in my soul and has been diminished to a zippo running low on fluid.)

The greatest part of being in this relationship with Christ has been the changes He has made in me. He is so faithful to me and He has changed my life in ways that I never could have imagined. I love Him more and more each day for those blessings He has poured out.

I just have to learn to distinguish between His changes and the changes that others are demanding of me on His behalf (or so they think!) I am not perfect and I like anyone else need time to just be...be myself...be helped...be alone...be tired...to be human, I guess.

I was called out on something that I have done just recently as not being a good example of a "spiritual" leader. And the only response that came to my mind was that maybe that's not what I am then. I didn't say it...but somehow I think it really made me think about Sandi's story and the layers that she put on to please others, to be all the things that she thought others wanted her to be.

Anyways, maybe you get what I'm saying, maybe you don't. It's late. I just wanted to write some of that down and you got to read it, whether you wanted to or not. I am okay. Just growing...which is sometimes confusing, painful, joyful, well you get the point...