Well, my women's retreat came and went this weekend! But not before depositing some great insight and wisdom into my life. The weekend was just a blessing. It is amazing how God ties things together because Tracy preached again today and I could have swore that he was at our retreat. He wasn't. His message tied into the retreat on so many levels that I found it hard to hold my emotions this afternoon at our worship service. Here's the biggest thing that I learned over this weekend:
All those things of my past that I try my hardest to forget, all my sin and mistakes and regrets that I know I have been forgiven of, but just can't seem to forget - aren't supposed to be forgotten!!! That's right - the Bible never says and Jesus never taught us to forget our pasts, our mistakes, our sins. I spend so much time trying to forget those things and blot them out, because that's what we're supposed to do. But I can't and I beat myself up about those things. And I am not alone! Everyone goes through it!
My past is part of who I am today. I don't have to brag about it and I don't have to talk about it or share it with everyone, but i have to remember it! For two reasons: 1) and I think this is the biggest - when I put my past in a box and stick it up in the closet of my mind, forgetting all about it, that's when i forget that without Christ I am just that box. That's when pride slips in and causes me to forget the grace that was so undeservedly given to me. 2) my past is mine, and when i forget it, I'm not able to help others through their circumstances. God says he is faithful to use our mistakes for His glory, to work all things together for good for those who love him. If we've forgotten those things, how will we recognize God's work when we see it!
I am so blessed to have been given grace and mercy, instead of the justice that I so deserved. I am so grateful that Christ stepped in for me and took my punishment because he loved me so much. He didn't just take my punishment but he offered me grace. He gave me something that I definitely did not deserve, forgiveness, grace and mercy. It was a phenomenal weekend and I thank God that he was able to use me, a sinner saved by his grace to be a small part of it. 
Rob is such a good daddy and supports me so well in my ministry. He kept the kids all friday after work and all day Saturday. I didn't receive one panicky phone call, or one call for that matter during the retreat. I came home to a clean house and to a big tall snowman in my front yard with a mohawk and a goatee!
The weather finally warmed up enough that the kids were able to go outside and not suffer from frostbite just from the wind touching their skin. They had a ball and were so proud of their creation!!!
As for the opportunity that was presented to me. Many factors going into it, Rob and I decided that if for nothing else it was good for me offer my availability for consideration for that position just to gain experience in the hiring process since it is completely different than any process I have ever been through. At any point, I can say "no, this is not for me." And I have already learned some valuable lessons from this already.
So I took the next step and called the pastor today. When we made the decision to take the next step, there was definitely a peace that came over us. The pastor and I spoke for over an hour today, however, my gut is telling me that it is not a position for me. It is for a children's pastor and that I am not. There is promise for something more in the future in ministering to families but the reality of the position is that it is a children's ministry position. While I may have children, children's ministry is not my calling. It's not my passion.
I was upfront with the pastor about that and he asked me to pray. Which of course I am. It just means that if I were actually consider taking the position assuming that they offer the position to me after all the interviews and things, I would have to be willing to work with children and establish a children's ministry....and those are things that would be WAY out of my comfort zone. There are also other variables that are huge like location (Missouri), like pay, like Robs job, like our home, like our children. There are just a lot of things.
The reality is that I will have to take a job soon. And this is an offer. I don't think a feasible offer for my calling or my family, but it's a start. It means that people are reading my resume (even though I definitely have to tweak it now for some clarifications on my ministry focus.) So that's where we stand on this ministry opportunity. I'm looking for godly advice and praying that God opens the doors for the right position, at the place that He wants my family to be.
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