Be Still and Intentional...

Two things that I was reminded of last night and this morning: being still and being intentional. I believe a lot of my frustration and discouragement as of late has been caused by uncertainty. I like to know how things are going and where they are going. Economic uncertainty is a reality in my home, as it is in most that I know. Rob's job, while we are thankful to God that he still has one, is uncertain and cut backs have made it definitely not enough to sustain the status quo. We are uncertain of what to do with our home. We could be proactive and sell it while we have the ability to wait for the perfect buyer, or we could wait for the economy to sink farther and have to sell it then for what ever we can get for it, if it sells at all. If we sold it and got what we it's worth, we could be debt free besides my student loans. We could rent a house and pay half of what we pay now. But no decisions have been made on that because we are waiting out other uncertain things. Like me finding a job...

I have three more classes left. Hard to believe, eh? December 16th I will be done. I will have earned my Master's in Pastoral Ministry. I, all of the sudden, feel this weight or pressure that would not be as bad had the things above not been occurring. But they are. I've been searching for jobs, some in ministry but mostly outside of ministry. And I think what is discouraging me the most is that I know that taking a job outside of ministry is not what I am supposed to be doing. While it would help the economic situation, it would only distract me from what I know I am called to do.

Another big uncertainty in this all, which might be hard for some to understand is that for me to find a job in ministry, like any organization, there is a certain protocol. And I am and have been missing the whole time a big part of that protocol - a lead pastor backing me, affirming my call, supporting me, encouraging me, etc. I cannot be ordained on my own say-so. My calling has to be affirmed and in many ways it has been and continues to be through my schooling, and now hopefully through our ministerial studies board. But the relationship between a lead pastor and a "pastor-in-training" is the most essential one. It is the lead pastor that can speak most accurately to the call of the "pastor-in-training." And it is the lead pastor that gives the opportunities for discovering that call, enacting that call and ministering within the established system.

The road has not been easy, but is anything worth having or doing ever easy? Discouragement cannot get the best of me. So I was reminded to be intentional and wait. To be intentional in letting people know my call and my passion and to be patient and wait on the Lord to do what He knows needs to be done.