Women's Retreat

well, this is the weekend that I've been waiting for. I am taking a group of 15 women and myself down to Gatlinburg for the Women of Joy conference! We leave tomorrow morning and return on Sunday night. I'll blog pictures via my cellphone during the trip.

Our doctor called us back yesterday. I explained what happened at our appointment for Rowan. Together, we agreed that the specialist was an butthole, except my doc used a different word. It was pretty funny! I told him not my choice of words...arrogant jerk would have been where I went with it, but hey, I guess that's the same thing.

Our doc said he's pretty confident that he's tested what needs to be tested at this point. He is putting him on a reflux medicine to see if that changes anything for a month or so. Then we will decide where to go from there.

Saturday at Maumee Bay...

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Grandpa watched Nadine & Rowan so mommy, daddy and Jourdyn could all ride down to Lima for mommy's meetings! He took them to Maumee Bay where they played for hours! It was almost 90 degrees!

God-stops and blessings...

After a few years of waiting, I finally yesterday was able to go to the Ministerial Studies board for my local ministers license. I was very excited to finally have something moving me forward. I had really no clue what to expect because no one has really told me the whole process and what to expect. I had to scramble to get all my stuff in to the coordinator just to have this meeting this year. So the first part was with that coordinator, Chuck. There were a couple of inconsistencies in the transferring of my credits from school to the Studies board. We are working right now to resolve those. I also found out two things: 1) I have to apply for my district license, this meeting was only to maintain my local license and 2) I could have applied for it last year if everything had been done right back then. Because I didn't know any of this, I also didn't get to apply for it this year. God was there. He guided our conversations so that this would come to light and He guided Chuck to ask if there was any way to squeeze me in to the District interviews that were also happening yesterday and very packed with applicants.

I also discovered a couple of more qualifications that I have to meet. I have to hold a full-time staff position for four years or a lead pastor position for 3 years before I can be ordained. However, Chuck (a pastor) confirmed with me that most pastors will not hire me until I have my district license. Realizing the turmoil this whole process has been for me, he was able to get District License Board to squeeze me in. I filled out an application on the spot and interviewed immediately. God really blessed me in that. I didn't have any clue what I was going to be doing down there in Lima yesterday, and those on that board had no clue that I was there, but God did and He opened the doors. Praise be to Him!

The interview wasn't as hard as I thought, and I did it completely impromptu. I really felt at peace in the room with them. And I know why. Before I got to meet with them I had to go do what I actually had come for - my meeting with the Ministerial Studies board. This meeting was also a God stop. I felt God sitting beside me. We talked about what my call is and what it's not. We talked briefly about my schooling and where I see myself going.

One of the pastors on this board was a woman, Claire. She is a pastor in Southern Ohio. I was throughout the interview very conscience of the fact that she didn't speak, she only watched. I was a little intimidated, but continued to be myself. When she finally did speak she said a couple of things. One she confirmed with me that I cannot take a ministry position just to take one. I have to know what God has called me to do and not waver from it. She explained a little more in depth and discussed the idea of being a woman pastor and being pigeonholed into certain positions within the church. Secondly, she pegged me dead on. She said "Sharon, I'm watching you and hearing you and what I am seeing is that more than anything you are fearful. You know what God is asking you, what you are supposed to do, and you're just scared." Up until that point, I held my composure. She got up and hugged me, said some more encouraging words and offered me the opportunity to come to her church and preach a couple of times.

I'm praying about it. And it does scare me. Do you know what the most frequent command in the Bible is? Do not be afraid! I know what God has called me to do and I need to not be afraid. He called me. He knows me. And He's still willing to use me! I have to just not be afraid and obey. So if you want to pray for me, pray that I will not be afraid!

The Big Appointment...

Rowan finally got to go to the specialist today for his big appointment, which turned out to be pointless! Apparently everything that has ever been wrong with him really wasn't...
he didn't have pneumonia twice this year...he doesn't have a moderate sleep apnea...he didn't have growth issues when a baby and the months of no pooping was because breast fed babies don't poop everyday (which was news to me) basically it's all in my head...
and apparently are primary care physcians as well. Of course, according to the specialist, he might be asthmatic - but he don't know...and he does have obstructive apnea but theres nothing that can be done about it and most people have it....and he didn't believe me that I've found Rowan pretty much dead twice.

My advice don't take any stock in what your doctors tell you because no matter what one says the others won't agree and your left knowing what you know to be true and what you've personally experienced but since you don't have a degree and a big fat head you don't really know it. But, oh yes, I'm supposed to take him back as soon as he's sick so the specialist can see for himself if his cold settles in his chest (like it has always in the past)
Here's the thing, I don't believe this specialist because my brother and I saw him our whole lives and were told we were sick as can be. That we would probably die before he was 20 and I was 30 or 40. That we would need transplants, yada yada yada. I was treated for something my whole life as a child that another specialist a few years back told me I don't even have. Again who do I believe? Since I'm still here and my health is fine, other than being fat, I think it's the latter.

So I'm left with no answers as to why it is that my son stops breathing in his sleep. With no solutions and left to continue to not sleep because I have to check on my child who does stop breathing numerous times in the night. And heaven forbid I miss the one time that he doesn't start back up on his own.

Be Still and Intentional...

Two things that I was reminded of last night and this morning: being still and being intentional. I believe a lot of my frustration and discouragement as of late has been caused by uncertainty. I like to know how things are going and where they are going. Economic uncertainty is a reality in my home, as it is in most that I know. Rob's job, while we are thankful to God that he still has one, is uncertain and cut backs have made it definitely not enough to sustain the status quo. We are uncertain of what to do with our home. We could be proactive and sell it while we have the ability to wait for the perfect buyer, or we could wait for the economy to sink farther and have to sell it then for what ever we can get for it, if it sells at all. If we sold it and got what we it's worth, we could be debt free besides my student loans. We could rent a house and pay half of what we pay now. But no decisions have been made on that because we are waiting out other uncertain things. Like me finding a job...

I have three more classes left. Hard to believe, eh? December 16th I will be done. I will have earned my Master's in Pastoral Ministry. I, all of the sudden, feel this weight or pressure that would not be as bad had the things above not been occurring. But they are. I've been searching for jobs, some in ministry but mostly outside of ministry. And I think what is discouraging me the most is that I know that taking a job outside of ministry is not what I am supposed to be doing. While it would help the economic situation, it would only distract me from what I know I am called to do.

Another big uncertainty in this all, which might be hard for some to understand is that for me to find a job in ministry, like any organization, there is a certain protocol. And I am and have been missing the whole time a big part of that protocol - a lead pastor backing me, affirming my call, supporting me, encouraging me, etc. I cannot be ordained on my own say-so. My calling has to be affirmed and in many ways it has been and continues to be through my schooling, and now hopefully through our ministerial studies board. But the relationship between a lead pastor and a "pastor-in-training" is the most essential one. It is the lead pastor that can speak most accurately to the call of the "pastor-in-training." And it is the lead pastor that gives the opportunities for discovering that call, enacting that call and ministering within the established system.

The road has not been easy, but is anything worth having or doing ever easy? Discouragement cannot get the best of me. So I was reminded to be intentional and wait. To be intentional in letting people know my call and my passion and to be patient and wait on the Lord to do what He knows needs to be done.

Outside Fun

Well, as you already know, I worked Friday night and all day Saturday, the two beautiful days that we had. So Rob got to stay home with the kids and have all the fun! On Saturday, the little ones played in the backyard all day. Daddy was such a good daddy! He even remembered to take pictures!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

As for myself, the last few weeks have been some of the most discouraging weeks in my life. It is not my faith that is discouraged. I know God has a plan and I trust it. It is my heart being discouraged by circumstances, by people, by actions, or lack there of. It is not understanding. It is the realization that many that I thought surrounded me with encouragement and were here to help me - simply aren't. It's the reality that I with all my being don't want to care, but I do. That it shouldn't matter what others do, but it does.

I probably right now feel much like Paul did as he wrote to Timothy. Alone, deserted, unsupported, yet able to say "But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth." (2 Tim. 4:17)

I don't know there is part of me that senses that perhaps this is God's release for me to move on. No matter what, I know that He is faithful and that He is preparing my heart for something big. I just wish that it wasn't so hard. I'm tempted to get angry. I am definitely frustrated. But mostly I am just hurt and feel so defeated. Pray for me. Pray that God gives me the peace I need to fully rely on Him.

<FW>

i am at work all day today. even though its beautiful. i think it is about 75 degrees. at least im on the lake. rob is at home with the kids. they have been playing outside all day.

A Patriot is NOT a terrorist

If you until now, believe that we are not moving rapidly toward a fascist, dictatorship ignited and fueled by the American people being manipulated into a state of fear by our government, you need to wake up. The Department of Homeland Security has labeled housewives, business-persons, people who believe in our Constitution, people who believe in States rights, and our veterans as right-wing extremists, as domestic terrorists. We have the right to assemble, the right to free speech, the right to speak out against a government that has grown far too large and not be supressed or intimidated by threat from our defense departments. This is what they have done. They have threatened anyone who cares enough to say this is our country and we want it back!

I participated today in the Toledo Tax Party and I did so not because of political parties or because I was told to. But because I believe in my country. I believe in it's goodness. I believe in it's Constitution. I believe that our founding fathers were some of the most intelligent people who have ever lived. I believe that our government has grown far too large and has already taken too many liberties from us. WE HAVE GOT TO STAND UP! PEACEFULLY! And say stop spending, stop tearing down the Constitution you swore to protect and defend, stop making laws that you have no business making, and stay out of the states business. JUST STOP!!! In fact, QUIT! And we can put in normal everyday people who know what it means to be an American still because we work hard for it! We sweat for it! And we will fight for it!

The Bill of Rights

Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
Amendment II
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
Amendment III
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
Amendment V
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.
Amendment VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.
Amendment VII
In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.
Amendment VIII
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
Amendment IX
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
Amendment X
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

Last weekend when I received my work schedule I was disappointed to see that I was going to have work on Easter Sunday. Long story short. God worked it out and I didn't have to work today after all! It was a wonderful day!

Easter Egg Hunt

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Rob took the kids today to our church for our annual kids Easter Egg Hunt. Jourdyn went and helped with crafts. Rowan and Nadine went to participate. I worked at my employers annual Easter Egg Hunt event, so I missed it but daddy took great pictures! The kids had fun! They have been re-hiding their plastic eggs all day long, outside and inside! Who knew a few eggs would keep them busy for so long!

This evening we colored a few Easter Eggs and tomorrow we will celebrate Christ's resurrection and the new life we are promised in Him.

On being a woman pastor...

Like many, you might be thinking that those two words: woman and pastor are oxymorons. Two words that just do not go together. The only place a woman belongs in ministry is with the children or maybe over women. You know, there is a passage in the Bible that say women cannot be spiritual leaders (I Timothy 2) or that they should remain silent and in submission (I Corinthians 14:34-35). And indeed those verses do say such things, but those verses do not reflect the overall message of women in the Bible.

I have thankfully had an immediate family that has been for the most part supportive of my calling to full-time pastoral ministry despite the fact that they belong to a denomination that holds a narrowminded view of who women are in Christ. It's the denomination that I was raised in and yet from the youngest age can remember a longing in my heart to serve others, to be in ministry.

I ran from my calling for years. I disobeyed God. I bought into the line that I am a woman and I can't do what I know God to be asking me to do. I convinced myself that something was wrong with me. I had some kind of power issues or domination issues rooted in who knows what. Something was just wrong, it couldn't really be God asking me to do these things because God doesn't ask women to do these things. God asks women to serve in the nursery. And believe me I tried that, but there I was still restlessness, knowing that there had to be something more.

I finally sat down and talked with God. I finally gave him the wheel and said "God, I don't know where you are taking me, but I know you are the only guide worth following! And I'm here, what do you want me to do?" At this time I was in the church I currently attend, which has since its inception allowed women in ministry. (However, still has its gender barriers within certain geographical locations, ours included) God led me to understand that he is calling me to pastoral ministry. So I listened and I began schooling still not knowing where God was taking me, still believing it was the dumbest thing I've probably heard because women aren't supposed to be preachers, but hey I could be an administrative pastor. I could be a pastor to women (if I could find a church with that kind of budget!) I had know clue where God was taking me just a light and a path to follow.

That path so far hasn't been easy. I haven't had the encouragement that I know my male counterparts have received. I haven't been invited to speak, let alone preach and not even to pray until just the past couple of weeks. I've been teased and harassed. I've been condemned and admonished for my thinking that I, a woman, could be a pastor of anything. It has been a rough road. And many times I have wanted to quit and in those moments, when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I don't know what I supposed to be doing or where I'm going to do it or even how barriers will be torn down so that I can be what I am called to be. It is those moments that God speaks to me and lights the next stepping stone of my path.

Today, His voice and lantern came in the form of an article, an article that I have been praying for for quite some time! Months ago, I ordered a new magazine, MinistryToday. Yesterday, the first issue finally arrived. Today, I had a few moments to sit down and browse. I was impressed within the first few articles concerned that no article was written by a woman, that none focused or mentioned women in ministry, but I continued because the content otherwise was great. And then I came to page 50...ah...page 50. On page 50, bold and big were the words "Breaking Up The Good Old Boys' Club." Read the article. It's a must read and the link is there.

On page 50, I found God's light today. I found encouragement at time that I needed it the most. I found confirmation of my call when I felt myself slipping back to "you're a woman and you can't do that" attitude. I found the answer to my prayer, a man who not only understands my call but has a ministry that lifts up women to the place where Jesus placed them and gives them wings to obey God and take flight on His journey.

God is doing something BIG in my life. I know it to my very core that I am preparing myself to do what I am supposed to be doing. I am woman and I am called by God to a pastor.

Celebrating life....

Today is Good Friday. Nearly two thousand years ago, Jesus Christ died on a cross. Before the world even knew Christ, Isaiah prophecied of His coming and this day. "Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." (Isaiah 53:4-5) And pierced he was. Crushed for my iniquity, crushed for yours. Through his wounds and blood we are healed and have been given peace.

This evening I left the kids with Rob and headed over for communion service at church. Rev. John Heuring was speaking tonight. John came to our church about 10 years ago and heard a calling, he is now a pastor in Maine, home to Ohio for a visit with family. Listening to him was so moving. He told part of his story of how he came to be who he is today and the journey that God has taken him on since he finally said yes to Christ. Christ died on Calvary so that we might have peace and reconciliation with Him, that we might live in paradise with Him even when our earthly bodies have given way to death. And like John, I want so badly for all that I know to understand what Christ has done for them and to say "YES, I believe." Once we say yes God is sure to take us on the ride of our lives with Him holding our hands.

I was very moved tonight. And the words of Isaiah above sank deep into my heart as I took the bread and the cup and ate in remembrance of what my Savior did for me this night nearly 2000 years ago. I shed tears for what He has done in my life and for what I long for Him to accomplish in the lives of my children, my family, my friends, and those I pass on the streets! I serve an Awesome God! A God who loved me so much that He sent His one and only Son to be my Redeemer and yours!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Today, Rob and I took the kids to the Toledo Zoo for the animal egg hunt. They had scheduled times, in which they would hide eggs for specific animals and then let them find them. There went many people there today. It was quite cold. But those that were there were following their schedule to a T. The only animals we saw find eggs were the Sloth bears. We tried the reptiles and the octopus with no luck. There were just too many people. So our group (Amy and Laura and their kids all went too) decided to give up trying to watch animals find eggs and just enjoy the zoo! So we did! I love to marvel at the wonderful creation that God has blessed us with!

It's only friday, Sunday's coming....

It's Friday, but Sunday's on its way! Praise God!

Much Love for WSPD!

A couple of weeks ago, I won tickets to the Butterfly House from WSPD. Since we are on Spring break I decided to take the kids today to see the butterflies.

Rowan absolutely loved the butterflies. There were points that he was on the ground staring at those resting on the floor. Nadine was the only one who had a butterfly land on her and only for a brief moment. Jourdyn sits so patiently and still to have one rest on her and when they don't she gets disappointed and frustrated and is ready to go!

Overall, they had fun! Nadine was excited because she saw Blue Morpho butterflies that they learned about on Go Diego Go!!!

It is amazing to see the miracle of metamorphisis that these wonderful creatures go through. It is so symbolic of our lives in Christ. An excellent reminder of the new life and resurrection that we are celebrating this week!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Cleveland ROCKS!

The kids and I headed to the Cleveland Zoo with Char & Chuck and 7 of their kiddos! They had never been and Jourdyn and I only once years ago.
They have a huge rainforest building and many other cools exhibits. The only problem is the distance between all their exhibits. I believe we walked about 10 miles today! And Cleveland is hilly, so it wasn't flat like the Toledo Zoo. The best part about the zoo is that because we are Toledo Zoo members we get into the Cleveland Zoo for FREE!!!!

They have a wonderful Australian Outback area: koalas, wallabies, and kangaroos. The wallabies and some roos are free roaming! One mama had a joey in her pouch, which was very cute! We saw the lions. They were normal lions. Colored like normal lions. That was wierd because for years our lions here in Toledo have been Sigfred and Roy's white lions. They have lots of giraffes, probably almost 10 of them, including babies. Jourdyn was excited to see several zebras and a rhino that actually moved instead of sleeping all the time like our zoo.

After being there all day, the kids were tired! And so were the adults! We didn't see all the zoo! So I will have to take the kids back soon!

A Bowling Trip

Shortly after Christmas Rob and I decided to switch from having every channel known to man on cable with a DVR to just plain basic cable, 14 channels! Of course, we have a digital TV so we have many more channels than just 14 but it is definitely still basic. That has made some very big changes. We know longer watch TV every night. We watch American Idol and that's about it. (I watch LOST online) Otherwise we are watching family friendly movies that we rent or the kids movies that we own. The kids aren't glued all waking hours to the TV. The little ones can only watch TV when PBS is running cartoons which is in the AM usually. Rowan and Nadine have been spending a lot of time playing together!

Another big change at that same time was our decision to purchase a Wii for the family. We played it at friends houses and loved the fact that it isn't graphic like other games. It gets you up off your butt and the little ones can do it. Nadine has developed a love for bowling! and Jourdyn as well. But Nadine has been begging to go bowling for real! So today, we invited our friends, Amy and Jason to bring their kids, Dom and Vinny along to bowl with us. The kids had a blast! Us adults were left wondering how it is that on the Wii we are PRO bowlers and in real life we struggled to break 100. We thought to complain to the attendant at the counter, and realized that our complaints would be fruitless!

I think Jourdyn also realized that her bragging rights on the Wii, don't mean she has bragging rights on the alley in real life! Rowan bowled a strike straight down the middle. He was a little over anxious at times, overall he had a ball.

You will notice in the pictures: one of Nadine's newest things is to ham it up in her pictures by making funny faces! I have no clue where she gets that from!

Spring Break is here...I think...

Well, today is the first day of Spring break...however it's snowing! It's also Holy Week! Last night I was able to sing in a joint-church community choir about the wonder of all that Christ did for us in love. It was a special night and a blessing!

I found out I have to work all of Easter weekend. So there will be no pretty dress for me! And I will miss the Easter egg hunt with the kids on Saturday. Rob will take care of them all though!

I also have school all this week. So my time with my kids has to be budgeted this week! But I am hoping to get to do some fun stuff with them and with some friends!

Togetherness

I am reading a book for school it is about creating healthy relationships within communities. Great book! Yesterday, we were in the chapter about "being one among many." Ronald W. Richardson, the author, bases the whole book on family systems theory and this chapter focuses on the two innate qualities that we possess as humans: the need for togetherness and the need for individuality. These two qualities must co-exist in our lives and how we regulate them will determine how healthy our relationships are.

So I came to a couple paragraphs that 100% describe where are nation is today! Here goes:

There would be no human community and no human life without the togetherness force...There can be a down side to the togetherness force in human community...Great anxiety will increase the pressure for togetherness. And at lower levels of emotional maturity, this pressure will be experienced as 'everyone must be the same' or fit in with some expectation for how everyone should be within particular roles; few or no exceptions are allowed.

In Germany in the 1930's, there was a very high level of anxiety. The primary source of this anxiety, but not the only one, related to the chaotic economic conditions. The Germans are an intelligent and well-educated people. But as their anxiety went up, they were increasingly attracted to the simplistic ideas of the Nazi party and Adolf Hilter, who offered, as the cause of Germany's problems, Jews, communists, homosexuals, and others whom he saw as social misfits who diluted the quality of what he called the 'pure Aryan race."

In the midst of so much anxiety, the majority of the people lost their ability to think clearly, put aside their deep spiritual beliefs and values, and participated in a social/political movement that helped them to feel better and more confident about themselves. They gave up many of their beliefs to go along with the "party line." Dictators thrive in situations where people are anxious, and so the Nazi party was voted into power."

Paradoxically, this kind of dictatorial pressure for unity leads automatically to greater fragmentation within groups. A certain percentage of people in the group experience the pressure as a threat to the self, and they then become reactive to this pressure. They perceive that there is less permission for them to be as they are, and feel overwhelmed with the demands of those pushing 'unity' to give up who they are.

Even if Hitler had managed to win the war, his 'empire' would have fallen apart from within, just as did the equally dictatorial communist bloc. The more any one group attempts to impose its will on another group, thus attempting to wipe out that group's sense of identity, the more pressure is being built for a rebellion. THis will be true whether the pressure for sameness is coming the conservative right or the liberal left. It is the dynamic itself that creates this reality, not the politics of the group pushing for sameness.

~ Ronald W. Richardson, Creating a Healthier Church: Family Systems Theory,
Leadership, and Congregational Life, Augsburg Fortress, 1996.

What is going on today, cannot be about politics, it must be about values and principles that as humans we should all see as fundamental core. Things like Honesty, Reverence, Hope, Thrift, Humility, Charity, Sincerity, Moderation, Hard Work, Courage, Personal Responsibility, and Gratitude. Our nation has been socialist since the times of FDR, we just have admitted it. We are now facing full-fledged dictatorship because we have forgotten, because we aren't thinking clearly, because we want so badly for things to be equal and the same. When ever did we learn that life is fair? It's not! But if we get back to our princples and our values, we can live together without losing our individuality, without living with slavery, without condemning our children and grandchildren to a live of servitude to a dictatorial government! We have got to WAKE UP! We have got to start SPEAKING UP! We have got say times are hard and we'll deal with it! We don't want it harder! Stop the insanity and get back to what our country was founded on! History is repeating itself today in America, we are walking head on into Nazi Germany and dictatorship!

Watching them sleep...

There has been a sense in my heart lately one that I cannot break or dislodge. I find myself watching my children sleep and praying over them. We are living in time when there are so many uncertainities, there are natural disasters, there is senseless death at the hands of children. My heart cries out to God to come quickly! Yet there is a huge piece inside of me that begs him to give us more time. I pray for my children that they would spared from the life I know is inevitably coming and that they would experience God's perfect and pure love instead of the trials and tribulations that are being handed to their generation and those to follow. I've been sparking more conversations with Jourdyn about Jesus and His love for her and the necessity for her to not just accept that but live it.

I can't help but feel that we are coming to an age in which our faith will be tested, not by God, but by the world. And I want so badly for my family to stand strong and to stand for what it right, true, and pure, for the principles and values that are laid out by Christ. What has been considered a joke and laughed off for thousands of years, the biblical prophecy of a one-world government is coming to fruition as I type and it is not a good thing. It signals the return of Christ, which I so desperately long to see and be a part of, but it also signals the end for those who have denied him, people I love dearly. And I am left torn between a broken heart for those that I love and the anticipation of my coming King!